Do you ever just lay in bed thinking about all the mistakes you made that day? Not even just clumsy mistakes (dropping things, which I do often), but things you said that were weird or things wished you said. What you meant to convey or express in your heart that was lost somewhere in translation. Right before sleep, the day replays in my mind and I dwell on a lot that went wrong.
I really wish I could spend more time thinking about the things that went right. But, this is not my way.
I am transitioning to doing more things on my own in lab. I’m leaving the nest and flying solo. When that happens there are so many opportunities to crash and burn. Little things and the big. Annoying errors I shouldn’t have made and new errors stemming from ignorance/inexperience.
The title of this post is in homage to 2 things:
- L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables, when Anne tells Ms. Stacey, “Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?” What I love about Anne is that she is such a train-wreck. Mistakes and chaos are almost inevitable for her, but somehow, life goes on. Because it does, whether you like it or not. Each day is new!
- My very first blog post over 2 years ago when I celebrated a new start in Cleveland for medical school, and the chance to begin again with mistakes in the rear window.
What wise, younger Tolu said was this: “Tomorrow may be new with no mistakes in it, but once we make those mistakes we must find away to move forward with solemnity, wisdom and hope.”
Solemnity. Okay that sucked. Feeling bad about a mistake is okay because it shows you care about what you are doing.
Wisdom. What happened such that I made that mistake? What was I thinking/not thinking and how can it not happen again?
Hope. I experienced this for a reason. And, through this error, I have the opportunity to face a similar challenge and overcome it. Through this trial comes hope for a better future.
The overwhelming anxiety that comes with making mistakes or fearing making mistakes can be qwelled, I believe, with this thought process.
I’m a list-maker and the task at hand always seems to shrink when we make plans to to address it.
Wow. I’m feeling better even after writing this post!
“As far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”
Maybe if I cannot forgive myself, I can remember that God does–every time I screw up.
- As an HHMI Boston Co-Chair, I have started working with my other chairs in planning events for the coming year. We are supposed to plan 4 meet-the-investigator programs for our cohort of 15 students in Boston as well as social get-togethers and other events. (Those who know me well are not surprised that I’m doing this as I love to plan things, organize people, and bring people together!! #Community) Our first task is to help prepare for the kick-off meeting in September. It will be exciting to meet the other fellows, and a little bit scary.
- I have now watched ALL the Bourne movies with Matt Damon (still haven’t seen Jeremy Renner version). I *think* I understand them now too! The new movie, Jason Bourne is actually not that bad. The reviews are quite mixed, but I don’t agree with them at all. This is worth seeing.
- I met with a med-peds chief resident here who wants to be a sickle cell guru and do transitions of care. It was absolutely amazing to meet someone who is on the track to do what I think I want to do one day. He was extremely wise, and it was a privilege to talk with him. I think I’ve found another mentor!
- Tried Shanghainese Cuisine for the first time with my LCC ladies! Exciting part: I had jellyfish! This was all at Shanghai Fresh restaurant.
- WENT TO PRIMARK IN BOSTON. I have not been to one of these since I was in the UK in 2009 or something. Oh, I have missed these. I was definitely smiling like a fool the entire time I was in this store. Buys? I also decided to get with the times and purchase clothes from other times (like the 90s). Can’t wait to take the crop top and high waisted jeans for a spin. Interestingly, I was not allowed to wear crop tops in the 90s, and I definitely did NOT want to wear high-waisted jeans in the 90s. Oh how the times change.
Now you are caught up.
It’s been a month in Boston. Long enough for the mistakes to start weighing down, yet short enough for it to still feel new and full of promise.